New Starts

Its been a pretty long time since I jumped out of bed in the morning and wanted to woo-hoo! my way to work. But this week has been a humdinger of a woo-hoo, and it has absolutely nothing to do with the Celtics.

Recently, I had my first rehearsal with the successor to World’s Greatest Sinners, now called Jordan Valentine and the Sunday Saints. I had some ambivalent feelings going into the project, and these have been weighing on me since I reorganized the Sinners a few months ago. If you’ve never been in a band, and especially if you’ve never been a bandleader, its a little hard to put across the many emotions, joys and stressors that come into play. And in the case of the Sinners, I would say that all the best and worst possible elements were present, with none of the mid-ground, solid, reliable stretches that help a bandleader keep her sanity.

I do love and respect everyone that made that project what it was. The highs were really, really high (backing up Archie Bell; a packed to the gills CD release; playing the FNX Block Party in front of thousands of people; any other number of laughs and good times; not to mention meeting my wonderful SO, probably the best thing to come out of the whole thing for me personally). Everyone was super talented, fun, and a friend. But everyone was a character, too, and getting 8 characters to coexist peacefully is tricky business. It requires someone to worry about everyone else’s needs, wants, desires, goals, and general happiness, pretty much 24 hours a day. In that situation, I was that person. It got me a lot of good, a lot of happiness, and also a lot of insomnia, heartburn, migraines, and tears. Sometimes bands are like families, and that can be magic, but it can also be awful rough if you happen to be Mom.

The new project, though, is both an extension of what was good, and a brand new beginning. The change in sound, from a more rock-oriented version of 60s soul, to a funkier, New Orleans and deep south 60s/70s groove, is a much more comfortable place for me as an singer. I’m lucky to have had some Sinners come over with me. And I’m also lucky to have filled in the blank chairs with players who are not only consummate pros, but who also love this music and love to play. And I don’t feel like Mom; I feel like a bandleader. The difference is like a weight being lifted off my shoulders. I feel equal, sure-footed, and most of all, free to stop worrying about everyone else and start worrying about the singing, the music, the whole point of it all. Freedom to enjoy oneself is a beautiful thing.

Two months ago, I was ready to give up singing. It was so hard, I couldn’t see the point, and besides which the stress was making me sick. I thought, maybe the business end is better for me…maybe artist management, maybe booking. But I learned the lesson here that you just can’t let anyone else tell you what’s important or what to hold dear. Its easy to get so stressed out and busy that you lose joy, or sequester joy down at the bottom of the list of priorities, or let others’ joy usurp your own in an effort to please. But at the end of the day, a joyless soul is no good to anybody, and soul music without joy has no soul at all.